Victimization

Eight months ago I was terrified of being homeless again for the
second time in 2 years. I stopped working over 5 years ago to take care
of my mother while she was dying. I put my life and needs on the shelf
believing I needed to put her needs first to honor her. I believed that
that is what God wanted and that when she was gone I could go back to my
life. For that I believed that God would take care of me and help me
through.

Two years after she died I had not been able to find a job so
I lost our family home of 17 years. I moved my dogs and myself to
Georgia from Florida and spent several months living in my car with
them. I was angry at the world and I spent the next two years trying to
heal my soul and rebuild my life. Yes, God did help me through that.
About 5 months ago I was introduced to Ho'oponopon and ever since I have
been cleaning, cleaning, cleaning. About two months ago I had an
overwhelming sensation that everything was working out and that
something was coming very soon to ease my struggles so I could continue
to grow and heal.

I have spent the past weekend cleaning, cleaning, cleaning. I have
reached out to the Divine and put my life in his hands asking for
guidance and inspiration, yet I hear nothing. I have just enough money
to pay my rent but not my phone or utilities. I have been applying for
jobs to generate enough money to stay in this home and nothing. I have
been trying to connect with my inner child more to help me clean. I
have even been asking the Divine if I am suppose to just move into my
car and if so where am I supposed to go, but nothing. I no longer know
what I should do and I am scared.

The woman that introduced me to Ho'oponopono just told me that she
applied for a job on a lark and asked a salary she felt they would never
accept. It is the first job she applied for after retiring from the
Government 8 months ago. She immediately got an offer and for more than
she was asking. I asked her what is the difference between us that she
would be brought such an opportunity and she told me it goes back to her
parents and their beliefs and struggles. But mine are not that
different and I clean just as much if not more than she does. So why am
I so different that I am mean to continue to suffer so. How do I know
what I have done for Divinity to turn it's back on me.

I have asked for forgiveness of my parents, ancestors and myself for anything we may have
said or done from the beginning of time on a daily bases but apparently
Divinity does not want to forgive me yet. I have had many jobs brought
before me and applied. Jobs that seem to be written just for me and I
hear nothing in return. I have had houses brought to me that would cut
my living expenses almost in half and have pursued them only to have
them fall away. It feels as if Divinity is dangling a carrot in from of
me and yanking it away at the last minute.

I am lost and don't know what to do anymore. I still clean, clean,
clean but it feels as if it is just out of fear now.
Sharon